The Smashing Pumpkins have this song called "Disarm". One of the lyrics in the song says, 'What I choose is my choice..". Indeed we all have a choice. Failure to make a choice, is still a choice.
This summer I have instituted a mandatory 'quiet time' with the kids I watch. They are 7 and under so they still should be having a chill out time and it helps me keep my sanity as well. Today as I was calling all to quiet time the middle one laid claim to the couch, this angered the little one (the whiner anyway) who promptly started crying. The oldest one, upset no doubt that his usual place had been claimed also started throwing a fit.
I do not give in to fits.
You can cry and kick and scream all you want; you can do it till you puke, I don't care. I do not give in.
So I ask the little one (okay, maybe I care when he has a fit) where he wants to sleep, my room or the purple room (the guest room) he just cries. I ask again, still no response. So I ask the oldest one and he goes into my room. So I take the little one into the purple room to deposit him in the bed. "I didn't want this room!" he cried. "Well," I said, "then when I asked you, you should have said so instead of just crying. You didn't choose, so now the choice was made for you."
He kicks he screams, I cover him and leave, he's still crying. I force the older brother who thinks that all of a sudden if he is separated from the middle one that the Earth will collapse upon itself and we will all surely die into bed too. Within 3 minutes the two criers are quiet, asleep I'm sure. (No, I'm not looking because if they aren't I'm not opening that can of worms.)
But I'm thinking to myself about the little one and the hard lesson that I gave him that he no doubt didn't get.
"You didn't choose when you had the chance and so the choice was made for you."
Isn't that frightening? Isn't it frightening how that happens even in our adult lives? We are faced everyday with TONS of choices. I've spent 15 minutes trying to pick out a bottle of WATER from the store because there are 8 jamillion different kinds.
I wonder what it would be like if there was like a water attendant at the store? Lets say when you went in you got to look for a few moments at the different choices of water and then he asked you which you wanted, you were expected to choose. If instead of voicing what you wanted you stood there with your thumb up your butt like an imbecile they gave you whatever type of water they took fancy to at that second and you were stuck with it. It could be toilet water it didn't matter that is what you got.
But don't we kind of already do that?
I think so, in a way.
We have the choice everyday what we are going to do with our lives. Are we going to get up today? Are we going to work? Are we going to flip that guy off doing 45 in the PASSING lane? Are we going to eat fruit as a snack or get a Snickers? Are you going to say things that build up or tear down? Are you going to be your best or not?
You make a choice. Every. Single. Day.
And if you don't choose, if you don't speak up for yourself, someone will choose for you. Someone will choose to rise above you and claim what could have been yours, someone will choose to have you stay powerless, someone will choose to go for it when you don't, someone will choose your fate if you remain silent.
Once upon a time I stopped choosing.
I stopped choosing to stand up for myself, I stopped choosing to do what was best for me, I stopped choosing to live everyday in a way that was fulfilling to me that made me happy, I stopped choosing to be the person that I was put on this planet to be.
And you know what?
Someone else started choosing for me.
Someone else chose my friends. Someone else planned my time, someone else ran my life.
And.
It.
Sucked.
I mean it was really awful.
Then one day I decided that by hell it was about damn time that I started making my own choices again and I chose to leave. I chose to get away, I chose to start over.
One day I got tired of feeling sick and tired and unhealthy and so I chose to eat better, I chose to try to exercise more, I chose to be healthier.
I chose to get back in school.
I chose to surround myself with positivity.
I know that there are TONS of choices that I will still have to make.
Today I will have to choose whether or not I'm going to go push play on my DVD and do my workout today (it's one of those days I REALLY don't want to); I will have to choose if I am going to work on stuff for school, I will have to choose to eat something healthy for dinner instead of going to McDonalds.
Maybe I happen to believe that in a way we choose our own destiny.
That we choose where we allow our minds and our dreams and our hearts to go.
My greatest fear, is that one day, I will cease to choose...and someone will make those choices for me. What if they don't choose what will make me happy? What if their choices are wrong?
If you don't want the purple room then when you are asked you better speak up and say so or that may be just what you get.
Making choices is hard. You never really know if you are choosing the right thing and if you don't then the consequences could be craptastic and you may be stuck with it even if you hate it and no one wants that. People can get ticked off at you for your choices about your life because they just think that it is wrong. Maybe they think it's wrong that you broke up with your boyfriend or that you are divorcing your wife, maybe they don't agree with your choice of religion or job or your stance on abortion or homosexual marriage rights.
And that's fine.
It's not easy for you, but the choices are YOURS, not theirs and remember if you don't make the choice then someone else will.
Please don't ever give up your right to choose the outcomes in your life, don't ever give up your right to be the master of your fate.
William Ernest Henley wrote in his poem, Invictus: "...I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."
Indeed we are.
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