21 Day Fix: Day #9: Are You Being Taken?

21 Day Fix: Day #9: Are You Being Taken?

 

 

Before you read this take a second to listen to this amazing song by my friend Cory. This song is the basis of the post today.

I got this phrase tattooed on my shoulder "You Can't Take Me", Cory asked me why and I remember giving some BS answer because you know there were other people around and while I could have told him I guess I didn't really want to tell everyone. It was a personal thing for me.

But I'm going to tell now.

I'm going to tell you what this song meant to me and why I chose to remember this everyday for the rest of my life.

I came from a small town. One where everybody knows everybody and everybody expects this thing or that thing from you. To them, they have your whole life planned out. You are expected to have a certain future and unfortunately there aren't many choices for a future there.

It would be so easy to fall into the small town trap. I could have stayed at my job there, I could have stayed living in a town where the only thing to do was go to Walmart on a Friday night. I could live in my Mamaw's house across from my parents and I could be around the same faces that I have seen everyday for my whole life. I could give up on getting out, I could give up on being more than what I was, I could become used to the life that that place offers and I could never get outside of my comfort zone.

I could give up. Do what's easy, what's familiar.

I could be taken in by the mundane.

But not me.

That life wasn't for me.

I was in a bad relationship. I mean it was bad. For a long time it was just so much less dramatic if I stayed in it instead of getting out. But after 8 years I did.

I could have been taken by that life.

But not me.

I was stronger than those things that were trying to keep me down.

When things get hard, when times get tough, when you have to give a little more; it's so easy to be taken by the voices that tell you that you will fail, that you are no good, that you can't, that you won't, that it's impossible, that it isn't worth it, YOU aren't worth it, that there is no hope, there is no way, it's too hard. But don't be taken.

I love this song for so many reasons. It speaks to me, it gives me hope, it shows me that I'm not alone in the way that I have felt, that there are people (and a pretty awesome one at that!) that have felt the same way I have.

"We're all a little bruised, we're all a little broken; both the user and the used look for something to put hope in..."

I'm still wearing scars. I'm still putting the pieces back together.

There was a time that hope was just some $2 word that people threw around to fill you with warm-fuzzies that things wouldn't always be the way that they are, but it didn't mean anything. I had no hope, there was no hope. There was only the darkness taking me. There was only everything that I didn't want pulling me down. Hope? What hope?

"As long as there is air within your lungs there is a fight to be fought..."

But I wasn't dead. I may have felt dead on the inside. But I wasn't and I'm not dead now either. If you are reading this that means that you aren't dead either. That means that your fight isn't over either. My spirit was dead, my hope was dead, my will was dead...but I sure as hell wasn't dead. So I chose to fight, and everyday I choose to fight. I choose to fight against the demons that tell me that I'm not good enough, I choose to fight against those beliefs that were put in my head that I was weak, that I was undesirable, that I was somehow less that worthy of anything. I fight. I will continue to fight for those hopes and those dreams and those goals and those things that my heart has always desired. I will continue to fight as long as I have breath, because that's what you do. You keep fighting until you can't anymore.

"I may be on the wrong side of a wreckin' ball; maybe on the wrong side, of a crumblin' wall..."

Yeah. I've been there. When you stand in your glass house and you watch unable to do anything as hundreds of people with stones surround you and start to throw. You squeeze your eyes shut as you hear the shatter of your world, your dreams, your desires...it all crumbles around you. It all falls to your feet.

I watched my hard work in high school and my dreams of a life and a career outside of those mountains crumble at my feet. I watched my will to even live shatter into a million pieces all around me. I watched myself fracture and split and be scattered to the wind.

Please understand that I was in a dark place. I was miserable. MISERABLE. I was in a relationship with a person that I no longer loved, with someone who told me everyday all the ways that I was worthless, who treated me like little more than something that he could use. Everything was taken from me. My friends, my family, my strength, my will, my hopes, my dreams, my fight, my desire, my faith, my health. I lost it all. I gave it all up because I started to believe the things that I was told. I started to believe that I really was no good. I started to believe all the bullsh*t that was fed to me everyday.

But then the day came that I realized that if I didn't do something about that I would die.

And so I did something...

 I did the scariest thing that I have ever done. I left. I got out. It almost cost me my life, but I did.

"...but with my back straight, fist raised, head high, standin' tall..."

My house is still shattered.

But I will not be shattered.

I am still bruised.

But I will not be broken.

My heart is still weak.

But it will not stop.

I will stand in the rubble. I will stand in the fallout. I will stand amidst the ruins. I will call for the world to give me it's best shot. I will keep my back straight! I will keep my fist raised for the fight, raised to show that I will NEVER be defeated, I will keep my head up because my battle is mine and no one can know what it is like, I will stand tall because I can finally start to see that I am worthy of so much more than I was made to believe. I am worthy and I am strong and I am driven and I am able and I am not nothing.

Every. Single. Day. I have to choose to raise my fist. I have to choose to hold my head high in victory and not hang it in defeat. I have to choose to stand tall and not be brought down by the ghosts and demons of the past that threaten to unravel everything that I have been working for seven long years to get back. I have to fight like hell...and some days are better than others. Some days, I'm not so strong. Some days I want to give up, or quit, or say that it's too hard.

But, instead. I set my back. I raise my fist to the Heavens. I hold my head high, and I stand tall against all the things that would bring me down and defeat me.

"I'm a broken man, so you can't break me

I'm a changin' man, but you can't change me,

I'm a givin man, but you can't you can't take me"

I decided that I will not be broken again.

I decided that I will not be changed into someone that I don't know and don't like again.

I decided that I will give of myself all I can, until it hurts...but I will never allow anyone to take from me again. I will never allow them to take my pride or my dignity.

**********************************

I didn't share any of this with you today to have anyone feel bad for me. I'm making it. It's a struggle every day, but I'm making it.

I shared it so that maybe you can make the same decisions. You don't have to be in a bad relationship to be dealing with the same personal struggles I was dealing with. Your struggles are probably nothing like mine and that is okay. The message is the same. The message that you can decide TODAY to stand strong and not be taken is for anyone.

You don't have to let the doubt take you.

You don't have to let the lack of hope take you.

You don't have to let failure take you.

You don't have to let depression take you.

You don't have to let fear take you.

You don't have to let mediocrity take you.

You don't have to let wounds take you.

You don't have to let negativity take you.

You don't have to let circumstance take you.

STAND UP AND SHOUT "YOU CAN'T TAKE ME!"

Hold your head and your fist high. Tell everyone who tried to take from you that they can go to Hell, you aren't living for them anyway.

If you are breathing there is fight left in you.

If your wall has crumbled leave that mess behind.

Do not be taken.

Do not give in and allow the voices in your head saying that you can't to take you. You can do anything. You can overcome anything. If you need to get healthy you can! If you need a new/better job, you can get one! If you need out of a bad relationship, you can get out! You have the strength and the ability to succeed.

"Only light can take the darkness, only love can take the madness, only heart can take the heartless, but you can't take me...

as long as faith is mine to keep, as long as truth is mine to seek, as long as hope is keepin' beat, as long as peace is mine to reap, as long as blood is mine to bleed, as long as tears are mine to weep, as long as dreams are mine to dream, as long as love does not retreat,

you can't, you can't take me...

no

you can't take me"

I will not be taken.

I will not allow another second of fear or pain or regret or despair to take me.

There are really no words to express to Cory what his lyrics mean. There is really no way for me to explain to him that my whole adult life has been me fighting against being taken to places that I didn't want to be. There is no way for me to explain to him that these words on my shoulder are a reminder to me that I see every time I look in the mirror that I came through a lot of sh*t...and I can make it through more. It is a reminder to me that hope is not a $2 word that people throw around. It is strength on days when I am weak, it is perseverance on days when I want to quit. It's fight when I have no fight left.

It is my fist...

high in the air reminding me that I will not cannot be taken.

 

The Food

I enjoy eating, like a lot, well, obviously. So I like that I don't have like a ton of restrictions with the 21DF eating plan. I mean I wasn't really giving myself restrictions when I was just doing it myself but usually when you get on a fitness program you automatically think that you won't be able to eat anything good or that you will have to eat bird food or something. But with 21DF you DON'T! You can eat all the same foods that you love, but maybe just less of them and we should all probably do that.

BREAKFAST

The Recipe

1 scoop Shakeology

Mixed Berry Medley, Laura Lynn

8oz. water

5-6 cubes ice

1 RED; 1 PURPLE

MID-MORNING SNACK

The Recipe

2 links Butterball Turkey Breakfast Sausage

2 Cage Free Eggs, scrambled

Spinach & Tomato, chopped

Red Plum

Udi's Gluten Free Artisan Vanilla Granola

4oz. Unsweetened Almond/Coconut Blend Milk (Silk)

2 RED; 1.5 YELLOW; 1 GREEN; 1 PURPLE

LUNCH

The Recipe

Barilla Gluten Free Penne

Eye of Round Roast Beef

Gluten Free Tomato Sauce

1 YELLOW; 1/2 PURPLE; 1 RED

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK

The Recipe

Boathouse Farms Balsamic Vinaigrette, GF

Mixed Veggies

2 GREEN; 1 ORANGE

DINNER

The Recipe

Fresh Express Green Leaf Lettuce Shreds

Harvest Organic Chicken Breasts

Black Beans, GF

Go Veggie! GF Mexican Cheese Mix

Diced Tomatoes

Wholly Avocado

Mrs. Dash Salt Free Fiesta Blend

Chop chicken and cover well with Mrs. Dash.

Cook in skillet or George Forman Grill until cooked through.

Assemble salad.

Honestly, this was so delicious. Between the cheese, the avocado, the seasoning. Oh, it was Heavenly!

2 RED; 3 GREEN; 1 BLUE; 2 YELLOW

POST WORKOUT SNACK

2 small apricots

1/2 PURPLE

 

The Workout

This was Pilates 2.0. I will say it was no where near as difficult this time as last week so that to ne shows progress.

I did come to realize that the range of motion and strength in my right hip is almost non-existent. It's very strange.

I'm really thinking seriously about getting the new Piyo Program. This Pilates stuff isn't so bad and I love yoga.

Everyday I feel like I get a little but better at these. After the DVD I jogged for 30 minutes, about 1.7miles. It was a good day for exercise. I think tomorrow is core day. The flab and weakness must be vanquished! LOL